Bill of no rights: democracy as it should be…

We, the sensible of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden delusional, and other liberal, commie, pinko bed wetters. We hold these truths to be self-evident, that a whole lot of people were confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of No Rights.

You do not have the right to a new car, big-screen color TV or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.

You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone — not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.

You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful; do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all of your relatives independently wealthy.

You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.

You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we’re just not interested in public health care.

You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim or kill someone, don’t be surprised if the rest of us get together and kill you.

You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don’t be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won’t have the right to a big-screen color TV or a life of leisure.

You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have one, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities in education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.

You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to pursue happiness — which, by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws created by those around you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.

(Source Unknown, to me anyhow.)

Theological Reason Why Women Are Obsessed With Loosing Weight

In studying theology we find that there are many topics that are covered within the context of scripture. At the same time there are many topics that are likewise not covered. While studying the Pentateuch I inadvertently found the Biblical reason as to why women have a tendency to be obsessed with their weight.
I hereby postulate that there is in fact a reason given in scripture as to why women are so concerned with their weight. The following is my proof.
We see through the first and second chapters of Genesis that man and woman were created perfect, as a matter of fact, God called what he had created “good”. (Gen. 1:31)
However, if we read further we come to a tragic event in the history of humanity, the fall of man (Gen. Ch 3). In this account we are told that the serpent was more crafty than any of the other wild animals and he used this craftiness to tempt Eve to partake of the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil (Gen. 3:1). It is a sad fact that the serpent succeeded at his mission and managed to deceive Eve into eating the fruit. Not only that, but she also gave her husband (Adam) to eat of it to so he was included in the action. She however, did not understand the full implications of her action. We read that from that point on their eyes were opened and they saw that they were naked (Gen. 3:7). They had fallen from their place of favor with God.
So what does this have to do with women being obsessed with weight? It is quite simple when you put it into proper focus. You see, Eve was tempted with what? Food. From that point on she was going to have to live with the fact that she helped to usher in the mortality of man into the human race. For the next 800 or so years Eve had to live in an imperfect world having to bear the pain of childbirth, working the ground for food and other such activities to remind her of what she did. We can deduce from the way that normal human beings react to certain circumstances that this probably caused a lot of guilt. If she had guilt she would blame it on something. Since we have a tendency to take it out on someone or something else, she chose the logical thing: her weight. Why? She did so because she had fallen into temptation in the form of food, and food affects your weight. Thus we can infer that since this sin affected all of creation she probably got one nasty guilt complex. This was so overwhelming that it was encoded into the psyche of the female individual and has been passed down from generation to generation ever since.
A curious side effect of this is how women view their bodies. Since they already have a guilt complex having to do with food, they naturally have to keep what food affects in line: the body. You see when they sinned it says that their eyes were opened. The first thing that Eve saw when this happened was her body. The only problem is that she was now seeing it through eyes that had been affected by sin. Therefore, she saw an imperfect body and she was not happy with it. Ever since they have been seeing the effects of sin, not only on the world, but also on their bodies. That is why they are never happy with their physical appearance to the point that they are always trying to change it and make it as appealing as possible, especially to man (since she is looking for the favor of  man, due to the fact stated in Genesis 3:16, that her desire would be for her husband).
It is not hard to see the logic behind this reasoning. I think therefore that it is safe to say that the Bible does give us a reason as to why women are obsessed with their weight.

(In case you haven’t figured it out, YES, I’m kidding.)

No Mojo

Mojo: personal magnetism; charm, and as it appears, something I have none of! I don’t mean I have little, or even bad mojo, I seem to lack it altogether.

This is where a little example comes in handy. My boss, as part of the routine she goes through when welcoming a new employee, came around to my desk to introduce the newest member of our team. She told her who I was, what I did and informed me of her name. Immediately following she made a passing remark, mostly as small talk, regarding my first name being part of her last name and isn’t that a coincidence… In response the new team member said “and soon to be” proceeding to tell us what her fiancé’ s last name was. I had not even said hello.

I had not even opened my mouth to utter a word, and I had the door shut, nay, slammed in my face. I can see having someone say no, but not even getting a word out (literally) before someone not only assumes interest but flatly rejects any potential interest; that is just plain harsh.

Like I said, NO mojo.